by
RandomStranger
@ 2007-07-27 - 00:00:30
Imagine...Imagine your heart beating so fast, the worlds smartest computer couldnt count each seperate beat, beating so strong your heart goes up into your throat and you feel the excitement bubbling in your veins. The thought of what is going on making you smile so wide your cheeks hurt like hell. Imagine the one person you love with all your heart, a million miles away from you, but oh so close, you could allmost feel their breath on your skin.
Think of your favourite song, and your faveourite band...Imagine that song being played, right in your ear, by the person you love the most in the world. Someone you feel physically attracted to, mentally and emotionally.
A few months ago, I cannot mention names (it isnt really fair is it?), J played some songs to me on his guitar. It might sound stupid and naive, but to me it was one of the most special moments ever. I sat there, staring deep into his big brown eyes, and my heart melted. I was so excited. I love listening to guitar anyways, but it was like my own precious gig. It was definetly a moment I shall treasure for the rest of my life. Sad as that may be. I was shaking, from the intensity of the moment.
And now imagine being sat all alone in the dark, in your cold room, with only the shaddows and reflections to call company. Not a single soul for miles, you feel helpless, slowly fading away and drowning in your own tears...Thats how it feels when you break away from someone, like death..Like everything hurts and nothing will get better.
Im not even so sure myself why I am writing this. I just feel like it to be honest. I kinda dont have any trust in guys, its just I fall for them really easily...and then you get your heart broken. Also for some reason those guys that messed me up, like really messed me up, are coming back for more, getting to me again, pouring salt in my broken wounds. I dont really understand, probly....because Im weak or easy or something...
I wanna just say, to well nobody really. Well I just feel really strange at the moment, I miss J soo soo bad, I speak to him all the time, and we are still really close. But the fact that he is there and I did once have him, and that I can never have him again. He will probly not really wanna, like..go out with me or whatever again. It doesnt matter, I guess. The decision, was um..meutual(ar I cant spell it)..we both thought it was for the best. But its backfired as I really wanna go out with him and I feel really really really sad, and I want to still go out with him. I love J* so much and kinda want him to know how I feel. I kinda think that that will never happen. Oh well shit happens, people break up, thats life.
Anyways, I should be getting on with shit and logging out. In fact, this is one of the longest and more like..meaningful blogs ive written in a hell of a long time. Nobody reads this I dont think anyways, If you have managed to read all of this, I highly highly applaud you, well done. Usually I dont have a clue what I write, most of the time I just type and go...Yeah, I actually do like writing in this, and I am happy. Even though I sound really depressed most of the time. In fact I think I am but, oh well. I cant do anything about it, so I may aswell act like im happy so everyone else is happy.
Cya guys...
Omg, I just typed this, and clicked the back button by accident and allmost deleted it all, and the * means that I cant really say his name, although it might be obvious...Um..hes not called Jay though btw...
